i duno issit because both of us are some wat alike, but really many times when things happen to us,we tend to react the same way. that is why when this thing happen to me,and with u talking to me,becoming my listening ear, i really feel more relieved...just with you talking to me for half an hour...like nearly all my stress is gone...i m really glad to have u as my friend, expecially in cca where tat is the place where i felt the most stressful and uncertain. u really calm me down and encouraged me alot...i m really grateful for all that you have said to me...that made my day alot!

the 3 days of stress is finally off...is like a heavy load of thing is being removed from my shoulder.

well, i am suppose to be feeling happy.however, it is exactly the opposite. after the concert ended, i have really learnt a lot, and also felt alot. this concert really makes me think alot, whether i m up to standard in my leading. i have been leading the cca for nearly 8 months, and i m going to end my term soon as i would like to hand over as early as possible, so as to the next batch of committee will have more time to plan, not like my batch.

during the concert, especially the day right before the concert, something happen, which gave me a great impact and left me a scar. a not so confident person....after that incident...what shall happen to me?i guess i shall jolly well hide in my own shell. i really think i have changed alot this yr...i m getting more and more lost. i m losing my own self. where have the old me gone to?where?i really want it back, the me that is cheerful, not being affected much by the outer world. what is exactly happening to me...i really duno..this yr i have been breaking down and weeping by myself much more time,the most time out of my whole life,not even my family know about it. i really duno who to turn to,what on earth should i do....even the people that know me,but seldom see me,notice the change...that i m not as cheerful as before,everytime see me,my face is moodless,sadness and stressfulness..i m really sick and tired of acting as if nothing happen to the people around me...but at the same time i do not want them to worry about me...

i really wish i can become more independent and solve the problems on my own,or at least my psychological barrier...i have tried very hard, but it is bringing back my bad memories and pain...what should i do...i really duno...

tml school holidays OFFICIALLY started...kind of only. having school for the first 3days.all because of the concert.argh...really feel damn tensed out.somemore the first day of practice, there is some soft skill training that clashed with my cca training/rehearsals.haiz...cannot wait for concert to pass.then at least i more or less will have lesser pressure.because only left my handover ceremony!yes!!!:Dthis yr really time pass very fast.perhaps because my schedule is quite packed thats y...have been a president for nearly a yr.thats really long.from the start of uncertainty,now much better.though i still do not feel i m doing that well,and have times that i wanted to give up.but because of the people around me tat keep motivating me,it gives me the encouragement and the strength to strive on. i am really glad to have them around me.really grateful

next, after the hand over i must start to find a job.have been spending quite a lot but not earning any.shall find one during my next 6wks holidays!since my responsibilities are kind of removed. and while working, i really need to think about the directions in my life.wat i really wanted. till now i really dun have any idea what do i want to work as.or at least if i can further studies,what can i do.actually i planned to go under medicine.but now with what i have learned, it make me feel kind of terrified.worse of all,can i even get a placing there?people from my course have difficulties to even further their studies in that area(eg. pharmacy) and yet i m aiming much higher when my gpa is nothing that great.haiz.but should i do?

super tired...eyes are heavy and closing..have been having insufficient sleep this few days(things dropping on my head, bad posture causing aches on neck)...somemore with test..so omg..haha

tests just ended...majority of the paper is a killer-->because i never study.LOL

what to do...i really cannot pay attention.see one slide, start to daydream...haiz..wats wrong with my brain man...

another thing tat sadden me...on sunday when i go check on my guitar, or wan play la..then saw one damn huge crack.damn jia lat..really cry.cos heartache sia..$200 u noe!that time was my edusave bursary money..haha..then go ask instructor today.he say my guitar still can play.majority is only polish crack,not wood.heng lor.but one thing that 'pissed' me off,he said:your guitar crack le sounds nicer...-_-..wth!haha

alrights...tml going to play whole day com...or wii..haha..mio tv coming!!shall watch movie too..but that means i cannot play computer..haha..plan tml la.see mood..

anyway,someone is going malaysia liao le lor...haha...enjoy her life le lor..not like me suffering in spore...haha...wish her 一路顺风！！

having flu and headache now...wth...just took a nap...quite long nap though.lol..2-3hrs nap...make up for the time tat i missed the past few days...argh...at this state how to even study..haiz...

alrights..shall go take a rest...should be MIA for a week or two due to upcoming concert too

today one test just went down...tep test...not as bad as i thought...though still quite bad...hope at least can pass la...my paste!!!please please make up to 50g...I have already tried to scrap the glass as clean as possible from the spatula...please dun fail me!haha...anyway it is over,so now is depend on fate already

have been reading other fren's blog.Their life so enriching la...especially someone can still go run 42km...so envious lor...how i wish i have the time and energy to do all of them...dun care..once i step down i going to go long jog...hopefully i can endure...that time still plan to cut down weight...duno till when sia...lol

ahh!!!this wed pharmacotherapy test!!!hope dun screw up man...relax...speak fluently...most important thing:counsel well!hope i can pass this paper too...

o wells...next week another full week of test..jia lat..then follow on by concert!omg!!!damn scared...hope all planned well..haven buy my black formal wear..see la see la...where got time...so pissed...somemore duno have my size anot..my big belly...lol...cannot slim de lor..pek chek...

haha..ok..tired already...off to bed in my lala land!!